If I read you correctly, you say you don't want to do it, and in the same
sentence you do it:
> I rose
>out of the ashes of a dead thirteen year old kid. He never did have much of
>an ego to begin with, and some things about him were not vey nice. He couldn't
>identify with anybody, so he was alone and lonely most of the time. He didn't
>understand himself or the world very well, which didn't help, so, like a fair
>number of kids his age, he took the short route, but with a twist; he never
>could stand the sight of blood. He's gone, I'm here.
It looks like a locked-up ego crying for help. Here it comes. (Of course
you can ignore it, but please be gentle on little Tad, he is very
sensitive). Would you try -- just as an experiment -- the sentence
completion technique? If you want to do it, don't respond to this post for
a week, and every day try the following. Make sure you are in a private
setting where nobody will interrupt you for 10 to 15 minutes. At the top of
a blank page write:
"If the dead thirteen year old Dan could speak, he would have told me --"
Then, as quickly as you can, write 6 to 10 endings to this sentence. They
don't have to be true, they don't have to make sense, as long as they make a
grammatically correct sentence. Even if it does not seem to make sense,
complete the sentence anyway. Then (each sentence on a new sheet of paper)
try those sentences (imagine that "he" stands for the thirteen year old Dan):
(2) To my "he never had much of an ego" he would respond --
(3) One of the things he did, and I consider not very nice and still blame
him for is --
(4) If he could tell me how lonely he still is --
(5) If I could tell him how I secretly admire him --
(6) As I slowly begin to accept the fact that he is still a part of myself --
Don't look at your writing, just leave it. Next day (without looking at
what you wrote) repeat the exercise. Do it for six days. Then look at all
your sheets of paper and reflect on what you have written.
> I know this is unsatisfying. You'll have to file me in with Richard on this
>one, I guess (Although, to be fair, Richard seems to care enough to write a
>self-help book. I don't. I'd rather bear a child to help somebody. It's
easier.)
It's OK. You see, it sounded to me, you had a lot of good advice on
ego-tearing. I was interested *how* you do it, that's why I asked. When it
comes to sharing the technique, you are not satisfied with what you say,
blame it on little Dan and compare the big Dan with Richard. Why are you
doing it?
Regards, Tadeusz (Tad) Niwinski from planet TeTa
tad@teta.ai http://www.teta.ai (604) 985-4159